My personal highlight of 2015

I am a terrible human being that constantly breaks its promises^^;

Sorry for being late again so early in the new year. I'm wishing you all a happy new year although it has been a week already.

For today, I want to share with you my personal highlight of 2015. I had to wait until early November to encounter this gem. So I was at a birthday party from someone of my expanded family, I don't even know how exactly we're related but that doesn't matter. Important here is, I met a female psychotherapist. Quick summary of the premise: she's from a wealthy family and her parents are doctors. She always knew that she wanted to become a psychologist or psychotherapist and never doubted it for once. She made her doctors degree with 25 and is married to a lawyer, coming from a family of lawyers.Now, in her early 30s, she just had her second child, a girl after her first, a son. Sounds like a good life? I can imagine it is. But she insisted that after years of experience and working ith depressed people, she now knows how they are feeling. I stated my doubts. But she said, she would know it since every patient is telling her how they are feeling. So I asked how they would feel. Her answer was that they were feeling alone, constantly falling and always talking about darkness. After I told her that that sounds a bit too general, she told me that apparently her patients aren't too good in describing it. Then I wanted to try a little thought experiment. She should close her eyes and imagine what I am going to describe her. And so I began telling her this:

"Imagine that you walk in nature. It is a warm summer day and you feel the sun on your skin. You breathe deeply, the scent is pleasant and easy. The birds are singing and under your feet the grass feels like a soft carpet. The trees are green and full of leaves. Then you have the feeling that someone is behind you. You go faster and faster, you start running. Turning around is pointless, because you know who is behind you. You can feel it. The shadows that are waiting for you. Once you stop, they will catch you. So you kepp running and running. Straight. Aimless. Only ahead. At first you do not notice the fog that rolls in and slowly coveres everything. Only when it is so gray that the sun can not penetrate it. It gets cold. The leaves of just still so green trees are yellow. Red. Brown. Until they drop at the end. Left and right of you only bare stumps that die eventually. Rotten, hollow structures. Under your feet is no grass. But dry, dead earth. There is more life in this place. No noise. No more birds that can keep you awake with their singing. Because you're tired. So infinitely tired. Clossing your eyes and sleep. But you know that if you close your eyes, the shadows are not only behind you. No, they are in front of you and you walk straight up to them. You can see them. All the fears that surround you. The fear of being alone. The fear of being together with others. The fear of doing something wrong. Saying something false. Being wrong. Just to be. Not being good enough. You disappoint everyone. Acquaintances, friends, family, everyone. Their voices, they are trying to talk to you. Everything what you hear, are their allegations. You are a disgrace. Nobody wants to have something to do with you. Everyone would be happy if you disappear. That it would have been better if you'd never been born. With horror you realize that you've got your eyes closed, but do not know when. It makes no difference, because if your eyes are open or closed, you see only the blackness. You also no longer running. You float. No more left and right, no up or down. Only back and forth. All your fears have come together and form a black hole that attracts you. There is no escape. You can only try not to be even further drawn. Your powers forsake thee. You fight against it and to keep the distance. Just a short carelessness or a rest and you will be attracted again. You try to scream, but you can not. No more power. Everything, what you are capable to do is to breathe. No sense of time anymore. Every moment takes a horrifying amount of time. The blackness fills your lungs. Flows through your veins, unitl all the cells of your body are pervaded it. All they writhe in pain and suffering. Woo asked to be finally released.

That's how it feels." 

(I used the Google translator for it cause I'm way too lazy to do it myself :P)

After she opened her eyes again, I saw her crying. She quickly went away and I've never seen her again that day.Maybe I've been a bit too harsh or too creative. I just wanted to help her understanding her patients.

I can now say that I've made a psychotherapist cry. Talking to me can be far more disturbing than any of her patients. Yay~ \o.O/